Bad Romance

What's a guy to do when presented with the opportunity to have some fun with an attractive blonde girl?

It was at a time in my life when I was having a lot of fun. I had cool flat, a flashy car and was out most evenings entertaining various young females. My friend's girlfriend (Joey) was feeling left out and wanted to come out with me occasionally. I had a couple of free evening's during the week so I thought "Why not!".

There were a few ground rules set

• No physical contact
• We were to do anything "too exciting"
• We weren't to have any Chinese takeaways (as that was their "special thing")

With these rules in place we started going out, it was probably on Monday nights or something. Of course, it wasn't long before the rules were broken....

I had decided to take up motorcycling with another friend of mine. Buying the leather jackets was as far as we got. After buying our jackets we went to see Joey at the men's clothes shop where she worked. She loved my jacket and wanted to wear it. I was used to women wanting to wear my trainers etc so I let her borrow my jacket, "At least it will smell nice when she's finished", I thought to myself. So, she would wear my jacket everywhere. When we went out she would refer to herself as my Missus. And then the hand-holding began, which made it difficult to change gear in the car. So she would put her hand elsewhere, which made gear-changing even more pleasurable. Rule number one was broken and probably would have gone even further if it wasn't for a piece of bad luck. After an evening out we had stopped off at my factory. Unfortunately the upstairs offices were locked and we weren't able to snuggle up in the warm comfy office area. So, nothing much happened that evening.

Because we were going out on Monday nights, there wasn't usually a lot happening. But we still had some brilliant nights out, sometimes out all night. The "avoid exciting things" rule was officially broken when I took her to London for the day to the Chelsea football club store and to Harrods. This wasn't well received by the boyfriend because he wanted to take her to Harrods and I'd got in their first.

My dear readers, you probably have a clue about the final rule. We got ourselves some Chinese takeaway and ate it back at my factory (in the nice office area). Halfway through the meal she phoned her boyfriend, saying what time she'd be back. We finished our meals and headed up the A22 to meet our mutual friend to go for a McDonalds. Later on she got a call (on my phone) from the boyfriend saying that she was no longer allowed to go out with me. Apparently the phone hadn't hung up properly and he'd heard us discussing our tasty Chinese meal. So, Joey said we weren't going to see each other any more. My response... "Oh well! At least I can have my jacket back then!"

She probably hurled it at me, I don't remember exactly, but I do remember that she wasn't very talkative on the way home. That wasn't the end of our relationship though. After a while we started going out together again. This lasted until I had a bit of an argument with her boyfriend. I told her about the time she phoned and told me about her fantasies about me. I remember the call very well, not just because it's not the sort of call you expect to get, but because the call lasted thirty minutes and I was sat outside another friends house in a freezing cold car.

Anyway, when the boyfriend confronted her about it she denied it and I was labelled the bad guy. I really wish I'd recorded that call.

So, the lesson to be learned from this tale? Simple, don't let your girlfriend go out with me. She will have a great time, she will lie to you, you'll believe her, you'll be pissed off with me, later on you'll find out that she is a lying bitch and dump her.